I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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