dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
