He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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