My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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