I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
