Will you blow on my dice?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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