It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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