I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
