yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
