I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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