does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
