Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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