I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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