before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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