Umm I'm too high to move.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can't just leave with hair like that
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize