You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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