Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize