Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
