if only i could text you this smell
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
