i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
