Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
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