After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Princesses don't give blow jobs
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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