my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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