Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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