And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize