can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
