The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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