I just made out with a guy for $7.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
