They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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