Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
