puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
