I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
