Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
