Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Randomize
