I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
