Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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