Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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