I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize