I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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