why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
