Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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