If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
