just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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