i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
When are your genitals available?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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