respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
