Barsexuality is the new black.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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