I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
