it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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