I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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