: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
