hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
