So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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