There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
