at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
