They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
