please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Randomize
