...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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