Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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