I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
