This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
