I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
