would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
