how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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