i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
They should really pass out barf bags in church
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
