Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So squirting runs in the family.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
