My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I could fuck to npr.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
