Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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