I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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