New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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