can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
