Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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