I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
